Call it instinct or intuition, it’s not an easy task to surrender to it and follow through with enthusiastic fervor.
T O E D I E W ê R E L D S T I L G A A N S T A A N |Karen Zoid Ft. Neil Sandilands & Early B♫ ♬ –here–
I miss my family. it’s been a while since I saw them. COVID-19’s spread within South Africa, had me scared to visit my parents. (Both above 60yo.) April used to be full of jokes. love, connection and extremely delicious food. There was none of that this year.
It had not been great – our smokes are low, nowhere to go, only so much to do before you get bored of doing that, there’s only so much selling possible at this time… Yeah, I’ve been over thinking quite a bit, hoping to make sense of my confusing thoughts, and feelings. My ambition to pursue once known and considered dreams is slightly faded – due to our overwhelming new circumstances.
Things have changed so much, and will not be the same ever again. The most odd, newest self-discovery for me : is a newly discovered allergy to something. I haven’t been able to place it, but my skin’s hive reactions had been at worst innitially; now limited to my elbows, and maybe my calves or feet. It could be vanilla, artificial something in cremora, bakingsoda or something combined in yogurt, cheese or even strawberries.
Something’s up with this body of mine, and we aren’t able to place it, yet. It gets worse when we eat those absolutely delicious oats cookies. (post to follow soon. Keep eyes on instagram too) Totally freaky. Even my Mum’s like ” YOU, Allergic?!?! NAH!! ” I could eat anything… I love my anything-dough and dairy (bread, croissant, pizza, pasta, doughnuts, pancakes, cheese, milk, yogurt, creme, icing…) OF COURSE, as of most late 8 – 10 years in moderation, I have not over eaten for extended periods. Only self indulge for an evening or two p week, or month.
So, now I’m dealing with some sort of allergy, eyeing or taking note of any and all bodily intakes just to help determine like what the fluff is causing the reaction… Not to mention the sensitivity of my skin, which I’ve been struggling with for years. The moment I’m stressed pfffft that’s the worst – pimples galore across the chin line. Luckily with lockdown, I could give my skin a break by not having to apply makeup as a daily practice. This however, may have had its own affects on my skin I might not yet be aware off… My hair at the back – reason for getting the undercut – is oddly turning out worse again. May it be because of the stress, or change in season – dunno. Will be keeping my eye on that.
It’s weird, by not having much we are able to isolate control mediums and constants to fine tune certain somethings going forward. It’s not fun though, let me warn you. The constant thinking, considering, planning, this and that, not too much, too little, the uncertainty and tryouts… At least we had a lil bit of isolated headsup trials earlier in December 2019, before entering the national lockdown. >read here<
That impulse thing. I’ve just figured to follow that gut feeling, and to stop second guessing it. I’ve been my worst critic for far too long. So many opportunities will never be the same again, covers blown, the way of doing things changed forever – due to the pandemic. There’s no better time than now. This moment, right here. Time is a commodity we can never get more off; realistic, even though it’s man defined.
I’d like to write more frequently, which would be OK for shorter pieces I think. Even if the writing isn’t up to PAR with the metaphorical cliches or formal tone, nobody is perfect. Perfect doesn’t exist. And this is to remain to our conversation after all, wouldn’t you agree? This is to say hello more frequently, and sharing those creative thoughts to each other for inspiration. Time is now.
Follow the impulse, don’t block it by second guessing, over thinking and down talking. Gets-to-the-doing. It’s got something to show you.
Don’t let work get in the way of seeing or communicating deeply with family. If the gut feeling tells you no, it’s no. And if it’s saying Go for it – then full steam ahead with heavy fervor.
Do what you must to shine out the best you of You.