The mind is a powerful thing – with the subconscious interpreting both Your reality and emotional perception, as being true and Real. It is up to us to familiarize ourselves to notice when this is happening ( that moment of uncertainty whether it’s really a ‘bad ‘ situation or whether I’m only perceiving it as bad,) and take action accordingly towards an optimal and ideal outcome determined / directed / steered by our beliefs.
I had lost my mind trying my best to understand yours, and it had taken a hard look back at myself to come to grasps with that You are making me Crazy! Don’t get me wrong, I acted and reacted authentically within each moment lived and experienced already. For a while now. However, I kept doing it from a space where I needed to make sure you are happy and satisfied during our interaction. And when you weren’t, I did my utmost best to get you there with all the tricks up my sleeve.
Every individual is different, and will perceive every interaction differently to what you had initially envisioned and intended. No matter how perfectly it had worked for someone else. So, when I couldn’t help you, it felt like failure to me. As if I, had failed you. Creeping thoughts telling me I could have done this or that, distracting me from the lesson hiding within the experience. Stealing time from Growth, to ponder on could’ve, should’ve’s and Would’ve’s. The thoughts that I need to do better, be more focused to observe clearer, and be calmer to reflect my intent more specifically whilst using this script or that within a hybrid way to get a point across. Oh, you people are funny dwindlings. I mean, it doesn’t stop there! We could talk about different circumstances, planned or not, influencing each method of communication towards value added interactions closely related to our ability to respond to each action. But that’s putting it in a box and labeling it one thing while ignoring the fact that it’s multidimensional Reality, with a paradox twist.
The point is, I am NOT what You think of me. If it matters to me, who cares if it matters to any one else? I mean, of course that would be great! But the question remains do you believe because every one else is doing it, You doing it is not a bad idea and probably the right thing to do? What if I told you that it takes grace to be kind in cruel situations where you need to decide to do the right thing, especially when you are the only one doing it? I find it is too easy for others to follow the flock of wrong doings because of convenience, or inconvenience, or because of mood or appropriateness….
I will not take responsibility for your happiness anymore. It doesn’t work that way as it robs you from Your opportunity to grow into someone beautiful, yourself.
I have had a high tolerance for ill behaved individuals – be it at my work place or in public. I tolerated wasting my own time on things not important to me, but to others.( I ended up just giving…)
My new level of tolerance is to clearly communicate to others what I find appropriate and acceptable within the work place, at home, at family gatherings, events, among friends as well as within my own mind. To say “No”, when personal time spent doesn’t benefit Me.
I choose to believe that I am worthy of an opinion. I am worthy of Your respect and higher integrity. I choose to believe should these “boundaries” be made clearer, I’ll be more at peace in my mind ( and my body.) I choose to believe that money is mere peace of paper ( or a number) and do NOT dictate our relationships with others.
I can take deep breaths while reminding myself that I am creating a Lifestyle, not following a duty. Also, it will never be perfect. I least I’m doing is giving it my best shot.
Journaling Questions :
What are your beliefs when it comes to tolerating stuff? Is there a lesson in there? Or perhaps a benefit?
Have you considered where your belief came from?