Into the ocean, end it all.

Into the ocean, end it all.

I want to swim away but don’t know how.
Sometimes it feels just like I’m falling in the ocean.
Let the waves up and take me down.
Let the hurricanes set in motion.
Let the rain of what I feel right now come down.
Let the rain come down.

It’s true, no one ever promised that life would be easy. On the contrary, it’s been bantered about as being a difficult journey to self discovery, experience and smart thinking towards success. We know what to expect, yet we are always taken a back when things go pear shaped ( usually we get punched in the gut, or stabbed in the back, from an angle previously not considered or ever would’ve thought off...) Never considering that it really can get that nasty with other players involved, who have no intention towards expressing integrity. Nor have your best interest at heart, only their own.

Are you aware that there is no real difference between lying to a person; and expressing information in bits to [not] reveal the real truth within the scheme? Meaning, not sharing relevant information to the other individuals, who are connected within the particular circumstance. Effectively keeping others in the dark from the real reality, by telling the truth – but in a misleading( deceiving) way.

Are you the victim, or are you the executioner?

I’ve learnt this month that one’s mind is only but a part of the complete You within your body. It shouldn’t be focused on and isolated – as that would cause repetitive, looping, tormenting thoughts you’ll get stuck in; over and over and over again. This is where assumptions are born, memories turn fuzzy, and emotions get out of hand. (Especially, when thrown into a negative situation outside of your control.)

I find it difficult to confront others, and would rather internalize and attempt to identify (or figure out) how I could have handled this and that differently, to prevent that particular outcome and the escalation of it in the future?

Again, I had lost my mind, trying my best to understand yours ; and your motives behind the explicit cruelty of your behavior. (>>click<<) What baffles me, is that you purposefully can go out of your way, in attempts to insult me – or derail me from my current momentum. AFTER, I do my utmost best to avoid you!

It will always baffle me how someone can CHOOSE to be mean to another, all for the sake of self gain…

I have no words to express how I feel after closing off this week. It’s been tough, not gonna lie. A quick highlight though : attended my first Mastery Session of ST !! A blog post to definitely follow and express the insights gained. (See? Every cloud had a silver lining… So they say.)

For now, I remain wondering through melodies and seldom lyrics, in an attempt to ease out from this discomfort within my own mind of mixed emotions, with the know-how someone else at least understands and tried to express it with art to make another soul feel supported when and as needed.

Blue October, “Into the Ocean”…
It was 2004/5 when I first stumbled upon this.
Remains priceless in 2020…
To listen to the song >>click<<

Now floating up and down
I spin, colliding into sound.
Like whales beneath me diving down,
I’m sinking to the bottom of my
everything that freaks me out.
The lighthouse beam has just run out,
I’m cold as cold as cold as can be,

Me.

I’ll outshine you by beating you with my way of playing the game.
I will not stoop down to your ill-mannered self form of integrity, (in hopes to hurt you back…) I’ll rather bathe you with more love and kindness.
Why, you may ask?
Honestly, I’m no-Pro at being mean to others, as I have never had anything to gain from such awful attitudes towards any other living being…

RJ

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *